Those are my personal notes on the book “Your Symphony of Selves: Discover and Understand More of Who We Are” by James Fadiman and Jordan Gruber (insert Amazon affiliate link here)

  • Awareness heals.
  • Mental health is being in the right self at the right time.

    Understanding selves

  • We are made up of different selves, with each having its own personality, physiology, desires, goals, vision, values; each self is a whole person.
    • You are all of your selves. People are all of their selves.
    • Each self is at its core a pattern of neuronal activity.
    • Each self is inherently, uniquely valuable and has a reason to be here (just like emotions.)
    • Each self has their strengths and weaknesses.
      • Some pain points for some might be nonexistent for others.
    • Selves are like multiple resources you have at your disposal.
      • Selves can be a way to deal with life and its various circumstances.
    • Your selves are your potentialities.
    • No one self knows it all.
  • We can group and categorize selves in a myriad different ways. (e.g. selves as feelings)
  • Your selves have had varying amounts of “stage time”/”life time”, life experience.
    • You do not have to consider your self that has had the most “stage time” as your “real self”.
    • Each self has its own memories and life.
  • Selves get created in your formative years; from the people you hang out with; from experiences where a different part of us is being called to respond.
  • Selves can be created consciously
    • “The more you realize there is no Self, the more selves you can be”
    • Bowie: “Even though I was very shy, I found I could get onstage if I had a new identity.”
  • Our current selves & feelings might be the same or an evolution of our selves & feelings of our childhood.
  • We aggregate selves through time.
    • On one’s past selves: “‘Was he me?’ No. ‘Am I him?’ Yes.” We contain our past selves and are not yet our future selves.
  • An identity can be a bundle of certain selves.
  • Micros: behavioural units that can be addressed without targetting any one self.

Getting along and communicating with selves

  • Your inner voices are the voices of your different selves.
  • “The fundamental task of life is to track down the various selves, observe them, acknowledge them, get to know them, assign them tasks and reach consensus over a shared direction”
  • Understand your selves
    • Awareness heals.
      • “What we know about ourselves is a very small part of what we are.”
      • Pain points are opportunities for growth and personal discovery.
    • To each self: “What do you want? What is your approach to life? What do you need? What do you have to offer? What helps you to grow? What are your blocks to your full functioning? How do you relate to people?”
    • Talk to your self, ask your self questions in the moment, understand it.
    • When journalling or talking to your self, use the 2nd or 3rd person. It makes it clearer that it’s one self talking to another; otherwise the “I”-talk would be misleading
    • Be kind in the wording you use with your selves.
      • You can name selves based on their potential or strengths.
        • You can present yourself with different names or identities.
  • Understand the “difficult” parts. See them as an opportunity to understand more of yourself and an opportunity for growth, healing and change.
    • Do coaching or therapy on the parts having a difficult time.
      • You can tackle issues of a problematic self either from within (same self) or from without (from a different self, less involved, more distant)
    • If one self is a bit problematic, strengthen the other selves.
  • Let your selves talk to each other.
    • Let them negotiate.
    • In a conflict between selves, recognize and acknowledge it, then bring your selves into dialogue.
  • Fully develop & integrate each self.
    • Do not try to suppress a self. Give each self its moment, however small.
    • Trying to be a single “self”/person the whole time, does not work and will be a source of frustration.
    • “More roles better played”
    • Splitting-off of selves happen as a result of stressful experiences
      • Bring back memories and events, integrate them.
        • Some memories are only accessible through certain selves
  • Orchestrate all of your selves like a symphony; letting them work together, towards a common goal.
    • Other analogies: tools in a toolkit; music band of a specific genre (rotating leaders in jazz); sports team
    • “The ultimate goal of the healthy personality is to sustain a sense of camaraderie between our different selves”
    • Sit down with your selves and discuss common goals; plan of action.
    • The selves will then work towards the good not only of the whole, but also of each self.
  • Having rotating leaders lets you be more resilient. This being said, do work towards a common goal.
  • Appreciate being in a self at all, instead of being in no self, and nowhere. Embrace the self.
  • Make your life decisions from your bravest, highest-potential self.

Interpersonally

  • Talk to others as you would talk to one of your selves.
    • Acknowledge, appreciate, see their good intention. (e.g. parental advice meaning well, even though turning out oppressing)
  • See others as having multiple selves as well. Distinguish between them.
    • They might have a part that you do not like. Do not let yourself mistake it for the whole. Seeing others as having multiple selves lets you be more understanding and sympathetic.
    • You can find the gold (e.g. the deeply human) in any one person.
  • Selves are changing. Appreciate and acknowledge people’s past selves.
    • Honoring past moments even though the person might be different now.
  • Any one interaction is one of your selves interacting with one of the other’s selves. (× Improvise: letting one’s playful self meet another’s playful self)
    • Make a deliberate ritual for arriving with somebody and synchronizing selves, for meeting another’s specific self from one specific self.
  • Some environments draw out certain of your selves more and can be safe spaces for them.
    • One person deeply embodying a state can help your self find resonance in it and feel more comfortable coming out.
    • Hang out with people with whom you are an interesting self.
  • Self-talk, internal talk can be to someone we know, have known or would wish to know.
  • Speech can be seen as out-loud thinking, making transparent what our inner state is, what our thoughts are (e.g. a child saying “I don’t want that”); as a parallel to body language.
  • Niches, for meeting people with a very specific common self

Shifting

  • “Switching” self when triggered; “shifting” selves when it’s a deliberate decision.
    • Run your selves. Don’t let the switches happen automatically, unconsciously.
  • Mental health is being in the right state at the right time
    • Identify the core of what is needed at this very moment; the rest is superfluous or constructed and can be changed.
    • “Which self would let me gain the most productivity from this situation?”
      • Don’t aim for perfection, aim for good enough (producing positive results).
  • Find the self that would let you be engaged with the situation, have it be enjoyable, easeful, make sense.
    • It can be a reframe: writing as you would cook.
  • Plan for the self you will want to be in for a particular occasion.
    • Ulysses Pact: make a decision, commit in advance, so that you stick to it when doubts arise or in difficult times
    • Getting out of a negative state is harder than just preventing going there in the first place.
    • Visualize how happy/satisfied you will be after experiencing the event from that self.
  • Use rituals to shift selves
    • Nap, meditation, music, movement, dance, habits, self-talk/realignment, coming back to center, visualization…
  • It can be a very subtle environmental cue that lets you shift selves.
  • Center (ground, breath, inquiry, conscience, analyzing and deciding in which self to shift, intimacy with oneself, home; a place) and Presence (engagement, life force; a quality of being)

Miscellaneous

  • Pragmatism: that philosophical ideas or theories should be viewed as instruments, not absolute truths, and their validity judged by their practical consequences in our lives.
  • “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.”

Quotes

  • Alice: “I must me Mabel after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little house and have next to no toys to play with… […] No, I’ve made up my mind about it; if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here! […] Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I’ll come up; if not, I’ll stay down here till I’m somebody else.” (Who do you want to be?)