The Cue of Barbecue
(Shortlisted Worst Titles Awards)
A good friend tells me that his parents are out of town and that he’s organising a barbecue at his place next Saturday.
Somewhere along the line, a casual conversation with another good friend of mine conjures up what immediately seems to both of us like a brilliant idea: we would invite all of our friends on Saturday, as well as people we appreciate but aren’t close to, and other contacts we haven’t spoken to in ages but would like to reconnect with. A house party with a very permissive guestlist — and all the better for it.
After a fair bit of persuading, our friend host finally came around to the idea.
I started sending out personalized invitations to my friends, acquaintances and people I felt curious about. Several of the people that I lost touch with — or that I met once and then added on Facebook, never to interact with them again — expressed genuine delight at hearing from me, at the invitation and the attempt at reconnecting. Most of them were quite honest in their communication, and though some declined, they intimated that we would find some time to see each other and do some catching up soon. Another person I really like told me I had no idea how glad she was to hear from me. All of them were grateful for the invitation.
I had long thought about all those contacts on Facebook I felt comfortable with but would in all likeliness never talk to again for lack of opportunity. Asking how they were over Facebook felt too impersonal, and inviting them for a drink too much of a hassle. Here we could strike the perfect balance: my friend’s event was the golden opportunity to revisit those connections and make something out of them rather than simply let them die out and go to waste. I think my acquaintances grasped that hidden agenda of mine and approved of my initiative even more.
I never struck up so many conversations with so many different people in so little time: the invite was for the next day, hence the time pressure to send out invites as soon as possible. (This, combined with the fact that our boss was absent until 3.30pm, and I can assure you that the day wasn’t very productive.)
I invited around 10 acquaintances. My friend invited 20 other people.
D-Day arrived.
Along with it, no one.
Not that anyone had told us they were sure of coming.
Since we were only three at that point, I didn’t feel the need anymore to filter out “cool” people who would maybe feel awkward and out of place among the jolly crowd of students I had initially envisioned. As a result, I sent out some more invites, and people were now telling me that they would have gone if they weren’t currently on holiday out of town.
After a few more attempts, I finally threw in the towel.
In the end, it wasn’t too bad. We actually had a very good time, and I had one person come — a small victory! (Okay, at this point, I might have to disclose the fact that my other friend had something come up last minute and actually couldn’t make it to the barbecue he had invited 20 people to…)
I’m really impressed at the overwhelmingly positive response to my outreach. I really feel like I used all the potential of my social circle.
And now I really feel like organising a similar event when more of my friends are back home, a month or two from now. Along with a few other close friends, we would invite friends and acquaintances to reconnect with, and it would be a healthy habit to maintain or deepen relationships.
Plus what bad can it do if our friends meet each other? It’s totally awesome!
I’m feeling pretty good right now.